what i know now

 what i've learned

these past few days

is that when they coming knocking

" do you know of anyone who meets

the criteria"

you'll write my name 

before you tell them we should get to breathe

unexpected

 [to be read aloud]

i no longer believe in soulmates, but more like soul dates

people we pass through time with, if only for a moment

you see

soulmates would be stuck like glue, but we can only grasp with tape

i believe in miracles

in the miracle of you meeting me 

and of us becoming a we

in the miracle of a blade of grass beating all the odds and 

of someone loving someone so much that even time

is erased

and sometimes it is you who is the center of the universe

with entire galaxies unable to hold a flame to 

the light that you emit 

to you it is unexpected

but to me

the space you take is inevitable

We are the Children of 9/11

to be spoken.

We are the children of 9/11.

The result of the day when an event so terrible 

Made the adults forget that we were just children

When there were no smartphones to discreetly check 

Just TV carts on squeaky wheels plugged in to the walls

And crying teachers wondering in a town like ours

If we were next. 

They assumed we were just little

And our little eyes don’t normally see

And our little ears don’t normally listen

But that time we did

In the car ride to school a few days later

When little lips formed their first political opinion of her life

“I don’t understand why we have to go to war.”

No response, but for the first time…

“Don’t say that at school.”

And at the time,

War was something we learned about in class

Would there be trenches and old guns

And so-and-so’s dad is going to the war

“I pray he comes back.”

Come back was a given,

He would, right?

People don't die like this,

They come home with a romantic kiss.

At the age of 7 I learned what a Navy SEAL is

“Is he touring a museum or a zoo?”

I didn't understand

Little ears aren't meant to hear

When the grown-ups are so, so scared

They are meant to grow and play and sing

They are meant to let happiness ring

At the age of 8, we learned “Black Ops”

And still no one would explain

“I don’t understand why we have to go to war.”

"Don't say that at school."

They called us a nation united against terrorism

Yes, we were afraid. Terror means afraid. 

Little eyes saw shots fired and heads cut off

Instead of playground games and

The nation said to be patriotic. 

Support the troops. Write them letters. Send them food. 

But again, the adults forgot that we were children. 

They were the grown-ups

And on the news were bones of children just like us

Celebrating a victory over a terrorist group

But what about the bones of those children?

"Don't say that at school."

By 12 we knew of Guantanamo Bay,
Drown him in water, they would say
That's torture, that's torture! Stop it right now
But they wouldn't, it was wrong
Well, the orders came down

You can justify anything if you have
Someone else to blame.
"Don't say that at school."

By 16 we knew of war crimes and that
We were guilty. So guilty.
How could anyone forgive the pain
That we caused.

And then it was over. Just like that.
No winning, no purpose,
and no success.

We are the children of 9/11.
We will no forgive, and never forget.
The pain they caused, friends and family in heaven,
Over a war they began when we were just seven.

mirror

 sometimes we change

hopefully for the better

but when you look in the mirror

make sure it is still you

and when you look,

if the form feels like a stranger

change it all if you must

until you know yourself again

to those who watch her

for a friend fighting bipolar disorder. we love you. 


it's called bipolar.
you've noticed it now
we love her so much
i know you can't see how
you see, we've realized that perhaps
the only way
is to back off and have her find her own way

it's called bipolar.
don't think of her differently
remember her smile and love of comedy
remember her laugh on the hardest days
and remember to pray and to pray and to pray

she's not just weird- though that may be true
let me tell you about steps one and two
it's mania for now, and depression much later
you have two to three months if you'll take her

step 1, there's a boy. he's handsome i'll say
she talks like Solomon on their wedding day
step 2, she stops sleeping, makes calls all night
posts on Facebook saying that she's really alright

there's more if you'll listen
steps 3 and 4, and then it gets worse, it gets worse i am sure
step 3, she spends money and a lot of it too
she'll buy anything- movies, electronics, a zoo
step 4, she loves God and the Bible, so real
that every number means something like an astrology deal

for now it seems calm....ish most days
but it's going to get worse if you'll let her stay.
in a few weeks her voice will change
her tone and her words will seem far, far away

next things turn violent if you suggest she seeks help
screaming in courtyards,
threatening neighbors, forks in a blender
i'll cut you, she says, don't tell me my truth
she'll throw your dog, drop a baby, she'll forget what to do

this can last a long time, but don't forget her
a month or two in you'll remember
her laugh and her smile, but don't forget the dark days
it's coming, the worst, keep your eyes pryed

when it's time the depression hits. it's subtle and small
until one day you'll get a phone call
"i love you,'' she says, ''don't forget that when..."
"when what?" you say as the call drops
and so does your heart as the clock tocks

it's time now to rush in to action. she does not
want to hear it, but now is the time
she'll agree...eventually, despite all the yelling.
midnight, or 2, usually.

off to the hospital, she doesn't like cops.
bring a friend and her blanket, her pillow on top.
sit for hours for admittance, now wait
no take-backsies in spite of her fight

the worst is over for a few days,
they'll take her.
her mania and depression will slow
in a week or so, it will be time to go

bring her socks and her shorts, no strings or tags
they could use them to hurt themselves.
the ward is bleak and sad, and many are much worse
but it's where she needs to be, just for now

but she leaves too early, every time.
it will repeat, repeat, repeat in a line
once or twice more, keep it up now
the worst is over, you've completed your vow

when she's better for now, she'll apologize
don't forget to love her, they aren't lies
her demons they take her every time,
because when bipolar is here we're all blind

love her well and keep her
as long as you can, please understand
we love her too and want to help
but in the end, she can only save herself

the eye

so what? you're a hurricane
bring on the rain; life's not a perfect frame,
it's a beautiful mess. i've gotta confess-
this world is not what it seemed, when i was
fourteen. it's a lot bigger and smaller and wider and taller
and these dreams that i had, couldn't begin to conceive
what i would find when i got here.
i didn't know back then, the difference between
love and sin, the strange ways of the world
the brave and the strong, cowering beneath
these expectations. and the hope that rain brings
when the sun shines again, it couldn't have been
without these wet stones. the piles of mud
upon your wet feet, show just how far you've come-
your life's a disaster? this world won't set you in plaster
it will beat you and stone you and leave you to bleed
but that doesn't mean you.give.up.
it means you stand up tall and fight back,
you handle your setbacks and start a new dream.
your now is your prime, it's the perfect time: start something new,
seize this new day, life's already happening,
will you go

or will you stay?

an ocean of love

you are...my ocean.
as you pass me in the street
the breeze of you fills my senses
refreshing my lungs and
giving me fuel to go on
1, 2, 3. breathe out.
1, 2, 3. breathe in.

thoughts of you warm me
from my head to my toe
in my heart and on my nose
you bring sunshine in the rain
and heat to the winter storm
your footsteps walk beside me
in the sun-soaked, salty sand

the rhythm of your heart beats
as the sound of the waves
soothing and smooth
with great care among others
you are cool and collected
but warm with adventure
always ready for tomorrow.

you are...my ocean.
the speckled memories of your past
broken, together, and sharing
with me your deepest memories
seashells along a vast shoreline
sometimes worn, and sometimes
growing new layers to show

make layers with me.