i meant no

now i can't sleep...
when i close my eyes
i feel the ghost of your touch
on my skin and i jump awake
a nightmare- no, i said, NO
i shouldn't have had to say it
a second time

my eyes grow darker each day
no longer a light of joy
i no longer look forward
to what the day brings
only fear.
only nightmares.
it could have been worse

how can you see the red flags,
when you're blinded by the sun?
and now the moon rises
little light to guide
jumbled thoughts, jumbled hope,
a shadow of what was
a shadow of what will be

it hurts and i need to heal
my heart and soul are broken
but tomorrow i'll look up
or maybe the day after?
i will not lose to you
to your selfishness
to your pain

i will stand up...
i will fight back
you have not won
it is not over
when i said no
i meant no
so find your place away from me
and go.


Lots of editing to do...I need to un-jumble my thoughts to write this properly.