"she" is

stop for a moment just to think
and maybe you'll change your mind.
see, the world is full of hatred
it's lost its vision, it is blind
we keep a tally of mistakes
to throw back at such a time
that it is convenient
to say the right is mine.
how does passing judgement
twenty years ago
result in today that you
don't deserve a go?
since when does changing your mind
mean you get a scarlet letter, not "a"
but today it is "h". a hypocrite.
the worst thing you could say.
who are you to judge a person's point of view
have you not changed in twenty years?
if no, you have much more to pursue.
does it even have to be twenty years?
no, not even one or two.
an instant can change a person
to be reborn, to become new
why do you need to hate so much
to find a flaw that needs to be retouched?
life isn't photoshopped, doesn't need an edit.
a polaroid fades, just as we are remade
a click in time does not last forever
in fact, it barely lasts a second.
who are you to think you know
how a person feels deep below
who are you to think it is your right
to call a person what they are not
it isn't your battle and it isn't your fight
your head is too far in the clouds,
you are not a kite
so stop flying so high, so haughty and rude
your opinion is judgy, your knowledge is skewed
so stop passing judgement
on what you don't know.
until you've been in their shoes
your opinion is faux.

the odds

always have to be the girl
who beats the odds.

but what if the odds
are never in your favor?
what if the life you live
just isn't your flavor?

what if the mountain's too high
the winds too strong
the current too tough
the desert too rough

what if the knot is too tight
you can't cut the noose
as it strangles,
can't wrangle free

what if the cuffs are locked shut
and the key thrown away
the time keeps on ticking
your stomach sickening

she always beats the odds,
just a girl.

i meant no

now i can't sleep...
when i close my eyes
i feel the ghost of your touch
on my skin and i jump awake
a nightmare- no, i said, NO
i shouldn't have had to say it
a second time

my eyes grow darker each day
no longer a light of joy
i no longer look forward
to what the day brings
only fear.
only nightmares.
it could have been worse

how can you see the red flags,
when you're blinded by the sun?
and now the moon rises
little light to guide
jumbled thoughts, jumbled hope,
a shadow of what was
a shadow of what will be

it hurts and i need to heal
my heart and soul are broken
but tomorrow i'll look up
or maybe the day after?
i will not lose to you
to your selfishness
to your pain

i will stand up...
i will fight back
you have not won
it is not over
when i said no
i meant no
so find your place away from me
and go.


Lots of editing to do...I need to un-jumble my thoughts to write this properly.

jumbled

parasitic toxic antiseptic antidote

like a ball on a string

am i your muse?

not a toy ; i’m real

let me be

i want to be free

of this tolerance, this agony

no hot, no cold

lukewarm

everything lukewarm

what happened to reality?

why can't we feel

only absence remains

emotion erased

love haiku

love is like water

gentle flowing with the tide

hope and hopelessness

harbored sins

like air she breathes in to my soul

a faint murmur, a plead, of innocence lost

great stallion gliding through the dawn

through mountains and prairies, freedom gone

she whispers softly. 

like the tide’s gentle wave, to and fro

a rhythm, a beat, of childhood lost

haloed angel sweeping through the night

through endless clouds screaming, sins made right

she whispers softly.

like fire she runs across my bones

a desperation, a passion, of confessions lost

anxious painter, sway about the canvas

lines, perpendicular, glowing flames burst, alas

she whispers softly.

and she cries out to me, god, as if it is so

idolatry of passion, lights dimming, lost

a breath, a pause, a sweet remorse

a smile in the darkness, a sinful curse,

she whispers softly.

she whispers, softly.

flash

please pretend that i'm not here,
and that never do you see me
for if i'm here but am not there,
enough i cannot be