love

beautiful sunset
infinite rain
orange glossy evening
tears on terrain

these are the things
i can't live without
the glow of your smile
that adorable pout

No Title

what is in the future
what was in the past
what is in the present
will this really last?

times are gonna change
people won't, it's true
but maybe it is worth it
yes, even for you

see life

if you see through the eye of the needle
what could you expect to learn?
you could see nothing but a beetle
there is so much more for which to yearn.

you must stay wide and open-eyed
to know there is much more
go 'round the world for a ride
right down to the earth's core.

whether by horse or car or train
you must the world explore
sunrise, sunset, sunshine, or rain
see everything, adore.

see people, animals, places, things
for what they are, discern
see the beauty that life brings
how hope and joy do burn.

...away...

fly away, like a sparrow
in the sky, so lightly
fly away, a butterfly
through the bush, always.

float away, a lily pad
in the pond, adrift
float away, a boat
in the river, so lonely.

Princess Nala

i'd like to be a cat
running all day until splat
knock over the drink
and not in the sink
Princess Nala is a brat

shhhhhhhhh...

i said i want to talk to you
they are only words that are meant for you
they are things i never say
anyone else would just run away

they are secrets and truths that i don't tell
because one of my greatest fears is when they yell
things that i keep to myself
telling others would be bad for their health

i used to be so smart, you see
i was cute and oh so pretty
then i made some big mistakes
that at night keep me awake

now i'm not looking for your sympathy
i only wish that you could hear me
i don't need help, i don't need hugs
but i need to rid myself of these bugs

memories, they're parasites that keep me here
much like hope but filled with fear
i wish that you could know me
so i wouldn't feel so lonely.

hope

can you die of a broken heart?
can you see light while in the dark?
can you breathe without air?
can you hope without fear?

if every night turns to day
can you live...without a way?
if every ocean has low tides
can you mistrust, but still confide?

yes, every smile has a frown
and every tide can still drown
not every wound will stop and clot
not every battle will be fought

you will give in,
yes you might lose
you won't get out
without a bruise

but maybe love can find away
to escape, but not have to pay
maybe dawn will beat the dusk
perhaps the scars will turn to dust

Doom

In the beginning there was darkness,

And still there is darkness,

But we can't just let it get to us,

There's something more that's meant for us,

A great chasm of sorrow,

But there's no time to wallow,

In this pain in this grief, your soul needs some relief.

It's so easy to just fall down and cry

But when we stand we cannot just die,

There has to be more to this life, to this doom.

We'll find it together if you just make some room.

From the Heart of Depression

tick tock

tick tock

the time runs out

on the clock

tick tock

tick tock

it flies away

in a bird flock

tip tap

tip tap

get lost in you

without a map

tip tap

tip tap

don’t get stuck

in a trap

click click

click click

it will be over

in a flick

click click

click click

the end is here

this will be quick.

blood blood

blood blood

it pours out

like a flood

blood blood

blood blood

it cracks and dries

like the mud.

cry cry

cry cry

regret is here

by and by

cry cry

cry cry

your mind screamed it

die! die!


This one is pretty dark. There are still a lot of people in my life that I know do or have cut themselves. I know many who would rather die than live. Don't let them be alone. Be with them. Loneliness is the worst. Be a friend and speak up when you know that something is wrong.

The Little Things

maybe i'm depressed
or maybe i'm bipolar
or maybe (likely) i'm just crazy.
i can't tell you how many days
i have spent smiling 
but as soon as i close my bedroom door
i am crying
i can't tell you how many times
i have put a knife to my skin
right by my veins
then remembered that i wanted to write a letter
saying it's okay, i was happy
But i can't....
        it would be a lie.



sometimes i feel like there are two of me
there is the me that everybody sees 
happy and smiling, bubbly and quirky
but beneath that thin outer core is my other me
crying. i don't always know why
scared every day if i'll make it by
NO!
I can't let you in!
Everyone who has seen me has left.



They mean it when they say
that freedom isn't free
freedom is through
blood, sweat and tears
a big hot mess
a pool of loneliness.



no....
freedom is through looking at the world
a baby, a dog, an ancient tree
morning dew on the grass
going out fishing for bass
a lightning bug, a butterfly
a dandelion...in the spring time


freedom is here. 
it's here, within me.

    
I think we all feel depressed sometimes. Lonely and scared, unstable and confused. When I go through this, I often go out and take a walk. I start to write..often very dark stuff. God has a way of always putting something in front of me that helps me see past my worries and see the light. Today I saw two dogs playing with each other, a lightning bug, a man walking his baby boy around the courtyard until he stopped crying, and tiny but distinct raindrops on the grass from an afternoon shower. We spend so much time today focusing on what is wrong with our lives, our bodies, our jobs, our friends; we stop noticing the little things that were created by something so much greater than how we did on that exam, how we broke our diet today, how money is tight, and how we messed up so badly that so-and-so won't forgive us. But it's the little things that help us put our lives in perspective. Some people see these little things and determine that their lives are meaningless. They go through an existential crisis because of it...but I think these things are meant to remind us that true beauty is found within the soul. It cannot be bought with money or seen by glasses or found by scientists. The little things in life are what makes life worth living.